A Love like no Other

This past Saturday I lost my beloved dog Bella. She came to live with us in April of this year. She showed up next door at my parents house in the middle of night and greeted my dad by diving into the hot tub with him. She was a darling Shih Tzu and looked a lot like a hairy mop sometimes. I was on out of town with my sister Alexa when Brooks texted me a pic of her and asked if we wanted to keep her. I was reluctant becuase with two small children I really did not want more clean up! But when I got home I feel in love with this happy little hairy mop!
Bella quickly became my dog. She followed me everywhere I went. She sat under my chair while I ate. She waited outside of the shower until I got out. For a while it drove me crazy! But, I came to love my little dog. She made me smile when she'd run to me. There was nothing that made that dog happier than being loved on by me.
Two weeks ago today she gave birth to litter of puppies. I knew immediatly that morning that labor was begining and Bella was very anxious and restless. When the contractions began she would only calm down when I stayed with her and coaxed her through it. I stayed there on the floor beside her all night until she had her 3 little puppies.
Bella was a wonderful mother to her puppies. She quietly tended to their every need and protected them. I thought she would become very procupied with them and would not spend as much time with me. But, I was wrong. The very next day every moment she wasn't with her pups she spent following me around, lying beside me on the couch or on the floor in the kitchen. She was a wonderful little dog.
On Saturday, me, Brooks, and the kids decided to head to the mailbox to get some fresh air, somthing we like to do on Saturdays (it's a long walk). We were walking up there talking with Caleb and were about 20 feet away when I realized Bella had crossed the street ahead of us. She began running back to us when she heard the car but she couldn't make it back to us in time. It was the most horrifying and traumatic thing I have ever witnessed.
I said goodbye to her that day and we burried her in our backyard in the sunshine. I can't remember this last time I cried so much. I couldn't sleep, didn't want to eat. The truth is I never really knew how much I loved that dog until she was gone. I miss her deeps sighs and hearing her pitter patter around the house.
It breaks my heart to hear Caleb ask me, "Mommy, where's Bella?" and I have to tell him, "She's gone to Heaven baby." And he replies, "But, her miss her puppies."
We have been tending to her puppies around the clock. I am glad to have that part of her still remaining here. I see her in their small dark eyes.
After losing Bella, I began thinking a lot about how she loved me. About how she had joy whenever she saw me. Even when I got mad at her for getting into the trash or making a mess in house, it never changed her love for me. When I ignored her and carried about my business of the day, it never made her love me less.
I have reallized through this great loss that this is similar to Christ's love for us. He came here to sacrifice himself for me and for you. His love is so deep that he loves us no matter what we do. He loves us despite the many times we ignore him or carry about our business rather than his. He welcomes us back into his arms when we curse him or fall away. His love is like no other.
I thank him for giving me my little Bella. Our time together was short, but her impact on my life will never be forgotten. She will greatly and tremendously missed. I hope that I can honor her by taking the very best care of her sweet little puppies. And I hope to be able to love others as Christ loves me.

OK.....let's get blogging again!

Ok, I am going to finally blog again!

It has been forever since I blogged and A LOT has happened since then! I had my beautiful daughter Sarah Kate! She is such a wonderful sweet baby and she has been such a blessing to our family. We had a wonderful Christmas season and I returned to work on January 13th.

The weekend after I went back to work Sarah Kate started getting sick. She progressed through the week with a stuffy nose and I tooked her to the doctor and he prescribed a decongestant. She kept getting worse and wouldn't eat. That Friday I was waiting on the doctor when he got there, and he was very concerned. He sent us straight to the hosipital and they started an IV to get fluids in her ASAP. Her color started to get much better but then we noticed the breathing problems. She got progressively worse through the night and we were transferred to the Children's Hospital.

That saturday was a very very hard day. Sarah Kate got worse and worse. She stopped breathing on the way to the hospital and was entabated. She was put on a ventilator and went into septic shock. She had to have a blood transfusion. She was moved from the ventilator to an oscillator. the next 24-48 hours after that were a blur...but slowly things began to improve. Each day seemed a little better. She was on life support for 8 days. 8 long days.

But God was so sufficient to us in this time. He provided us with patienence, guidance and friendship. The church was so wonderful to us. God's people truly were the church to us. They brought food or just came by and talked with us or made us life.

It made the time go by so much easier.

After two full weeks Sarah Kate made a full recovery and we were able to come home! We were so happy to be home!

As a family we also decided that I would not return to work. It became incredibly apparent that no matter what we had to sacrifice, I had to be home with the kids. So here it is, 7 weeks later, and I am loving being a stay-at-home mommy!

It is so wonderful! It is SO much work, bt it is the most rewarding job I have ever had. Caleb is learning so much and they are both changing so much everyday! God is so Good. He saw all of this from the very beginning. He is so provisional and awesome and incredible.

I know I don't deserve all he has given me. I have not earned it. I can't earn it. He is a great and wonderful God and I am so thankful to know him and be his.

Taking the Doc's Advice

So, I had my last doctor's appointment yesterday. The doctor did advise me to go ahead with the c-section in light of several things:

1. The baby is not positioning herself for delivery. Her head is not in the pelvis.
2. I am not even remotely dialated.
3. The Doc thinks she is a pretty big baby

In light of this, she feels that I would probably end up with a section either way so rather than waiting, and just letting the baby get bigger and bigger. We are going ahead with the c-section on Monday. I am okay with it and my Doctor was very supportive and encouraging about repeat c-sections. She said she has one patient with 10 kids that had 10 c-sections. That's a little extreme for me, but at least I know that it is possible to have more than 3.

Now that the decisions been made. I am totally pysched about Monday! I cannot wait to meet my daugther! I am so anxious to see what she looks like, how much hair she has, how much she weighs, etc.

After my doctor's appointment yesterday, I went and got some much needed pampering. I got a manicure and pedicure and got my hair cut. It was so nice. Mom's usually have little time or money to do something for themselves. But I think it's important every once in a while to take care of ourselves.

I am also really excited about our MC fellowship night. We are getting together Saturday night for a game night. We'll be playing games and grilling hamburgers. I am really enjoying getting to know Lane & Sean in our MC. There son David and Caleb are only 6 days apart in age and they love to spend time together.

I feel so blessed about how much New City Church has been a blessing to me and my family. It has, in all honesty, changed my life. I think about the changes we've made this year and the people we've met. We are truly bleassed. I hope next year I can be more of a blessing to others. With the pregnancy and everything, I feel that I have been very self-consumed. I hope to spend next year giving more and taking less.

So, Sarah Kate will be born around 8:30 AM on Monday! I can't believe its almost here! I am so excited. Please continue your prayers for a happy, healthy baby and a safe delivery.

Changing My Mind

So, I have changed my mind. About a pretty big deal. I have been planning throughout this pregnancy to go with the repeat c-section. But over the past few weeks I have been having second thoughts.

I had to have an emergency section with Caleb due to an umblical rupture that caused me to hemorage and Caleb's heartrate to drop fast. It was the most tramatic experience of my life. I was completely unprepared for a c-section and truly felt robbed. If I am being honest with myself, I would have to say I really had major postpartum depression afterwards because I was so unhappy with what happened and it in turn with the c-section recovery made nursing Caleb incredibly difficult.

When I found out Sarah-Kate was on her way, I decided on the repeat section mainly becuase of the uncertainty of what would happen and being able to schedule her delivery. But as it has gotten closer, I keep thinking about what happened with Caleb and how badly I wanted a natural birth. So I started researching...

Attempting a VBAC is typically not chosen becuase there is a risk of uterine rupture, which at its worst can result in infant and maternal fatality. The chance of this happening to someone with my type of incision is actually less than 1%, but it is still a risk.

However in reasearching the risks for a VBAC, I have also been studying the risks of a repeat section:
1. Maternal death rate while low, is higher than that of a VBAC
2.There are often many complications associated with c-sections which include risks of anesthesia with surgery, there are risks of operative injury, infection, postpartum pain, effects on subsequent fertility, and of psychological morbidity.
3. C-sections limit the number of subsequent pregnancies. Due to the scarring of the uterus, most doctor's recommend no more than 3 c-sections.
4. To the baby there is a risk of respiratory distress and injury from the knife during the operation.
A lot of doctor's perfer C-sections though because of malpractice fears.

So this gave me alot to think about. This Thursday I was truly distraught as I mulled over this in my mind. I had a doctor's appointment that day and unfornately my regular doctor was called out to an emergency, so I couldn't talk to her about it. So that night before I went to bed and after reading countless articles on line, I decided to pray about my decision and get some sleep.

When I woke up on Friday, I had a peace about the decision. I realized there there were risks either way, so I should instead look at the positives:

With a VBAC:
1. I would be able to experience a natural birth like I have always wanted.
2. There are less complications with breast feeding associated with natural delivery
3. The excitment of not knowing when it will happen.
4. less likly to cause limitations on future pregancies (Brooks and I would really like 4 kids)

With a C-section:
1. Convienece: me and all of my family would be able to plan around the delivery time.
2. My pregancy discomforts would be over in 2 weeks.

The positives to the VBAC seem to far outwiegh those of the repeat c-section. So I have decided to attempt the VBAC, as long as my doctor allows it. I know I may end up with a c-section anyway (Doctor's will not allow you to labor as long without progress with a VBAC due to the risks to the previous incision) at least I will know I tried.

Ultimately the most important thing is a healthy baby.

So this means.....who knows when Sarah-Kate will debut!

Please be in prayer for me and the baby for a safe, healthy delivery for mommy and baby.

Family Fun

Wow have things been busy around here! I am only three weeks away from Sarah-Kate's arrival now and I am getting really excited! We have everything I think we need to have and now we are just waiting on her to make her debut. In the meantime we have been trying to have some good ole family fun with the last fews days of being a family of three. So over the last few weeks, here's what we've been up to:

A Day Out With Thomas:

Caleb has gone crazy for Thomas the Tank Engine ever since his nephew Ethan gave him some of his old DVDs. Now, Caleb can't get enough of Thomas. So, one day when I was on the website I heard about the Day Out With Thomas that comes to Cordelle once a year and we decided to go. Caleb's Granma and Poppy joined us too and we had a great time! Caleb had a lot of fun riding on the train, going through the Hay maze, and seeing all the neat Thomas stuff. Here are some pictures of our day of fun!

S'Mores:

With Fall comes cooler wetaher and this is absolutely my favorite time of year! We mark the first cool night by having a fire outside in the Chiminea and making smores! Caleb loved it! We circled our chairs around the fire and cozzied up with a blanket and roasted marshmellows. Lizzie & Buddy (the dogs) liked smores too, Caleb realized. Some he found it was more fun to feed them than to eat them. It was some great family together time.

MC Buddies:

Recently, Brooks and I began hosting an MC- Missional Community at our house. We are really enjoying sharing this time with others and we have had the pleasure of really getting to Know Lane & Shaun McCulley. They have a little boy, David, who is acutually only 6 days younger than Caleb. Caleb and David are having so much fun playing together and getting to one another. Caleb calls him "Dabid" and they have such a good time playing together that they usually ended completly exhausted before the night is over. It is such a blessing to have this new opputunity in our lives and it is really good to open up and trust new people.

Halloween:

This year we had lots of Halloween fun! Brooks and I went and visited Caleb's school for his class Halloween party. I have never seen kids get so much sugar in all my life! Caleb was the last one to finish eating and kept eating long after the others were through. Later Caleb came up to the Union-recorder for the costume contest and his first taste of trick or treating. He has a new found love for grabing candy out of a bowl and devouring as much as possible. I think kids are just born with this natural instinct.
Later that night, we had a halloween party at my Mom & Dad's. It was so great to hang out with my sisters and enoy food and fun. Caleb went Trick or Treating to each door of the house and it was so hilarious how he would just come inside and starting grabbing candy out of the bowl and before the night was over he would even say "Trick Treat".
Here are some pics:

While I am getting really excited about Sarah-Kate debut, it does remind me how fast time has flown by with Caleb. I can not believe he'll be 2 in January. I just wish some times I could slow time down a little bit. It seems like it's just rushing away...all the more reason to take more pictures, plan more family fun, and enjoy every minute of life.

Only 6 weeks to go!

Well, It's only 6 weeks until Sarah-Kate is here! I am so excited I can hardly wait. I cannot wait to see what she looks like and to finally meet this little girl!!! I know these next weeks are probably gonna go really slow, but hopefully it will give me a chance to get everything ready. My wonderful sisters and mom threw a baby shower for me last week and I have some pics for you. The shower was decorated so beautifully and it was great food and great family time.

I got the CUTEST stuff for Sarah-Kate! I cannot wait until she here to try on all her pretty clothes! Her room has really come together with all of the things I have gotten. I am so thankful for all the family & friends that are showing love and support for Sarah-Kate and our family. i am also really psyched that two women from church are throwing me a shower next weekend. It's going to be so much fun and it will be great to spend some time outside of church with our church family.

In other great news, my contractions have subsided quite a bit. I am gettign really unformatble though, especially when I try to sleep. I just can't seem to be able to find a way to rest. Of course, as my mom would say, this is getting me ready for life after baby, when sleep will be minimal...

Getting ready for BABY!

So It's really starting to set in now that baby girl will be making her debut in just 7 1/2 weeks! I am sooo pleased and relieved that we have not only finished Caleb's room but we are almost done with Sarah-Kate's also. Praise God for how provisional he is! He has really helped Brooks & I with planning and preparing for this child. We are really starting to get excited now!

So take a look at pictures of Sarah-Kate's room. I will upload pics of Caleb's soon, but he is asleep right now. Let me know what you think of the room!

As far as how I am feeling now... the contractions have subsided a little. Luckily, September is over becuase it was a really tough sales month at work...but I did do a little better than August so that's good. October should be much better. I have been put on "desk rest" at work, this is great because getting in and out of the car on sales calls really wears me out and even over the phone I do pretty good sales wise. So things are looking much better. And tomorrow I get to celebrate my 27th birthday! I am gonna celebrate by getting my license renewed! Yeah! Actually, I am looking forward to getting off work tomorrow because me and my two favorite guys in the world are going out to dinner. In case you haven't figured it out--it's Brooks & Caleb....:)

So...only 54 days to go! I can't wait to meet her and not be pregnant anymore! I do enjoy being pregnant but I am starting to feel really uncomfortable! But I do so enjoy watching her acrobatic feats in my tummy! Also, the doctot said Monday that I am measuring a lot farther past my due date than I am. On Monday, I was 30.5 weeks and I am measuring 35 weeks. She must be a big baby! Please keep me in your prayers as the next few weeks will be increasingly uncomfortable.